ValerieDykstra.com

emotionalism

I really suck as a mother to teenagers. I'm really really bad at it. I don't understand how I trained them so diligently to do xyz and now that they're teenagers they don't do xyz. I've been known to pitch hissy fits, I'll admit. But more than fit throwing, I tend to be a melancholy reflector. I sit for hours wondering what I did to make it all go wrong. Why don't they do xyz? Why do they do abc when they know damn well I'm against abc? I'm quite pathetic.

Among my common thoughts is that a good time for a mother to die is when she has teenagers. Truly, at that stage of her kids' lives, they won't miss her.

One day recently I ventured out of my pathetic reflective mode and demonstrated my fit-throwing prowess. I threw a towel, I said a swear word or two or three, and generally behaved unseemly.

About the time I got over it Deborah had an emotional breakdown. I rolled my eyes and whispered to Gordon, "All these hormones are about to drive me crazy."

Gordon, who had eyewitnessed my fit just moments earlier, droned, "Yeah, not everyone can rise above their emotions like you."

deborah's perfume

(Deborah in NC, 2004, 4 years old)
When Winston Churchill was a little boy, his nanny, whom he loved very much, was diligent in making sure he had Bible and school lessons. His learning the Bible was important to her and of course school lessons weren't optional. Little Winston hated math. During one lesson he wailed that if she made him continue to study math he was going to "bow down and worship graven images." I love that story.

This morning I was looking for an article I wrote about five years ago. I didn't find it but I found this reminder of life back in 2005.

Gordon had just returned from his sister's house with Deborah. Aunt Joanne had given Deborah a gift box with six little bottles of perfume. Deborah was in smelly-good heaven. After much deliberation she gave each sister a bottle of perfume. Her joy in giving lasted about five minutes before she began begging and pleading to have her perfume back.

I explained that she had given it away and she couldn't now expect them to give it back. She wailed as though she was in the throes of death. Seeing that she was losing the battle, she wimpered desperately, "I think you want me to go to hell."

Thursday Thirteen

Greetings from Alberta.

1. I am home again, having had a wonderful trip to Arkansas to see the southern family. Deborah went with me, her first trip to Arkansas since she was four. Her highlight was spending lots of time with her biggest sister Stephanie.

2. I saw my precious grandchildren. I didn't just "see" them, I babysat them while Stephanie and John Mark took a little vacation to Cancun. (Sucks to be them, eh?) Babysitting Roman and Avery was amazing. I got really familiar with and fell more deeply in love with them. It was truly awesome.

(Memaw, Deborah and me, 2000)

3. There were a couple of unexpected turns during my trip that left me feeling extraordinarily blessed. My grandmother, the last of my grandparents, got very ill and the family was "called in" thinking she was dying. Because of this, I got to see extended family I haven't seen in 20-25 years. Specifically, I was very happy to see my cousins Paula, Vicki and Lisa. It had been so long. Without Memaw's illness, I wouldn't have seen them. Seeing them was a definite highlight of the trip.

4. My Uncle Corkey, on the other side of the family, passed away. It was very sad to see my cousins suffering, but I was so very glad that I got to see them. I haven't seen them in 20-25 years either. Seeing these cousins was another highlight.

5. It was great getting to be with my dad at his brother's funeral. All Daddy's kids were there and that was very very special for him.

6. My grandmother is still in the dying process. Her family is with her right now, probably singing and reading the Bible to her as I type this. That's what they've been doing over the past couple of days. They've expected her to die for several days now. All her remaining kids are with her and a number of grandchildren and great grandchildren. I can't be there, but I'm so very very thankful I got my goodbyes in last week when I saw her. As I was leaving her bedside last week I told her I was going back to Canada and she responded with "When will you be back?" Then we exchanged I love yous. I'm so so thankful.

(Memaw last year when I was down there, 2009)

7. To be honest, I assumed my last three trips to Arkansas were my last time to see Memaw. But this time, I'm relatively sure was indeed the final one. She is 94. Thankfully she's been lucid up to now.

8. Deborah, who hasn't seen Memaw since she was four, got to sit by her bedside too. A couple times Deborah was briefly all alone with Memaw. When I walked in Deborah was stroking Memaw's arm. I was touched by her tenderness and sweetness. I was also touched by Memaw's gentleness. I'm sure she didn't know Deborah from Adam, but she smiled lovingly as if to tell Deborah she was special.

9. My book, which was dedicated to my dad, was a big hit with him. I just realized I've not posted since holding the first copy of my book, don't count the cows. It's a lovely little book, I must say. Chock full of mistakes though, typographical, grammatical, layout, etc. 66 mistakes. Yep, I counted 'em. And that's just the ones I caught. Very very hard on my anal retentive tendencies.

10. School's back in session and this mama is very very happy about that.

11. My work is going well. My friend Shelly pointed out that I never mention my job. That's because I want to keep it. Have you read about the people who've lost jobs because of saying things on the web? I don't want to be in that number. However, I love my job and am thankful to have it.

12. The sky was spitting white stuff today. What's up with that? It's September.

13. Rachael's boyfriend was over last night. He went into her bedroom. I jumped up and went in there and said, "Excuse me Rachael, is there a boy in your bedroom?" They both turned toward me as Rachael said, "He's just looking at my cds." I said, "So it's true, there is a boy in your bedroom? I thought we had some sort of house rule about this." While she and I talked around Scott, he left her room. I felt powerful and smooth.

for Pabob

These are the last pictures I'll share from our camping trip to Little Bow. Pabob is the fisherman in my family, so these are especially for him.

Click on the pictures to get a closer look at Deborah's face. So sweet.

1)  Deborah reeling in her first fish.

  

2)  Getting help from Uncle Tom.

3) She's not exactly comfortable touching it. {Smiles}

Deborah is 11 today

Brand spankin' new from the womb, Deborah and her daddy admire each other. Gordon leaned over me and whispered, "She's so beautiful and alert. She's perfect."
 

She was nearly perfectly content. The only exception was Sundays. For the child who was to become my social butterfly, it's strange that church provided too much stimuli in her early days. She was cranky and unsettled every Sunday till we were home from church. As soon as she and I were in our living room in the rocking chair, she was back to her easy disposition. She was an easy baby to mother.

 

We thought we were going to adopt little Shawny boy. His departure from our home was traumatic and painful. Deborah would have been a terrific big sister. We fostered several babies younger than her and she was wonderful with each one.

When Shawn left, Deborah talked about the social worker ofter. She had a broad vocabulary and talked with ease. During this time period, one of her big conversations was about Shawn's social worker. "Patty Jo is a very mean person. She was bad to take Shawn." It was a twisted time in our history. I wasn't doing well emotionally, which precipitated Shawn's leaving. When he left, I sank to deep depths of guilt. Not Deborah. Without a doubt, Patty Jo was ALL to blame for Shawn's departure. She grieved deeply too.

 
Deborah was an adorable child. Always ready to love on people and ready to receive their affection too. Everyone loved her.

 
 Christmas, 4 years old.

 

Then suddenly she was old enough for Brownie camp. This was her first outing for overnight.
  

We were camping last week, as has happened several times for her birthday. I picked up a cake and we celebrated at the campsite.

It was low key, but was warmly received by my little 11 year old.

Deborah, your life has made mine fuller and richer. I love you. Happy 11th Birthday, my love.

Grandpa

(Grandpa and the girls)

Eight years ago today my father-in-law passed away. He was 67. It was a hard time for our family, but I have some sweet memories from that time that I cherish.

We told the kids that Grandpa was very ill and that he would get to go to heaven soon. Deborah was nearly three. Rachael was nearly seven, Hannah was nearly six. Each of them processed it very differently. Rachael acted like it was no big deal, but that's a regular coping mechanism of hers. We knew it was big to her.

Hannah was astute and forthright. During prayer time at church on the Sunday before he died, Hannah's voice rang out clearly as she asked for prayer. "My grandpa in very sick and he hurts really badly right here," she said as she pointed to her side. (He had liver cancer.)

I thought Deborah was too young to process it one way or the other. I was wrong. One day I was in the garden and I overheard her talking to herself in the tree-house. "Grandpa is very sick and he's going to heaven soon." She said it several different ways, several different times. At that point I knew she was agitated too.

The call came that he'd passed away and we went to his house. We gathered around his bed and his kids and wife told stories, we prayed and sang a few hymns. We learned that one of Eric's favorite hymns was "Morning has broken, blackbird has spoken...." We sang it.

When we cleared out of the room for the funeral home to come, Hannah asked if she could see him once more. She and I went back into his room alone. She held his hands and thanked him for being a good grandpa. She told him she looked forward to seeing him again in heaven and then she kissed him.

After the funeral home had his body on the gurney, the sons and son-in-law carried him to the waiting car. We all stood in the yard, solemnly watching them drive away. As soon as the car turned out of sight, 2-year-old Deborah jumped up excitedly and said, "Yaaay! Grandpa's in heaven." In Deborah's mind, when he got out of sight, that's when he entered heaven.

Over the next day or two, even Rachael revealed her heart. We had learned that "Morning has broken, blackbird has spoken..." was a favorite hymn of his. Rachael drew her therapy. It's a card. The front page is a blackbird in a limb.

 

Inside the card, there is Grandpa on his bed and Beppe phoning us to tell us he had just died. May always wore a bun back in those days. See her bun?

 

These memories and this card are precious to me.

deborah's recital

Here's my baby girl Deborah at her Winter Recital. I'm so proud of her.

Deborah's "New" Room

In a couple hours Deborah will come home to her "new" room. Here it is.

Today in pictures

Deborah, hard at play, stripping the bark off a stick. She sooo reminded me of Christopher as she worked on this. Now this stick is a fine, sharp dangerous tool to protect her in the woods. {Smiles}

 

 

A lovely afternoon sky.

"...till the setting of the sun, the Lord's name shall be praised."

Our beautiful front lawn Maple Leaf.

 

Three Lovely Girls

Three of my sweet babies. I love them, doncha know?

Rachael and Deborah sometimes bond through Rachael rolling Deborah's hair. No child from my womb would be lucky enough to have naturally curly hair. {Sigh.}

Aren't they lovely?

Deborah's 10th Birthday

Today is my little Deborah's 10th birthday. As is the family tradition, she enjoyed breakfast in bed.

Yesterday was Canada Day. As we prepared to go out for fireworks, Rachael reminded me of something I use to say. When Deborah was pretty wee, she'd sit on my lap during the fireworks display and ask why there were fireworks. I'd say "because tomorrow is your birthday." Deborah and I smiled at the recollection of her thinking the fireworks were a big celebration of her birthday.

Deborah's turning 10 is bittersweet. This birthday means I don't have any children in the single digits anymore. It's a milestone, a reminder that time is slipping away, a reminder to number my days so that I may gain a heart of wisdom. Deborah is so social that I can easily lose touch with her. While she's out socializing and making sure she's not missing anything important that may be going on somewhere, she is not with me. With none of my other children have I suddenly been appalled by how big they are. Not so with Deborah. Sometimes she'll walk into the room and I'll be shocked and suddenly saddened by how tall she is. I'll have this feeling that I've not seen her for days. But of course I see her everyday; sometimes I feel out of touch though.

When I shop for her I always start in size 6X. For some reason, I'm stuck in 6X. I'll study the jeans and think she's bigger than this. I know with my head she's much bigger, but my heart has to be convinced every time. I'll move up the rack and finally stop at size 12 and wonder, when did she get this big?. It's a disconcerting emotion.

But it's also quite sweet to see how our little lady is growing up. She continues developing more sweetness, kindness and politeness. She is strong in spirit and easily speaks her mind and mostly in a self-controlled kind manner. She recently went through her first series of sex-education classes at school. She was thrilled and took it all so seriously. When the boys laughed or made off-color jokes, she'd rebuke, "This is very serious and you shouldn't be laughing and joking about it." I know she must have been some kind of wet blanket, but still it was sweet. She got on a little kick about how immature the boys are. I'm guessing they spent a lot of time talking about "maturity" as it became the buzz word with the girls in the class. "Girls are so much more mature than boys." "I can't believe how immature ---- is." Mercy sakes, I wanted to remind her they are just 9 years old, it's not necessary to be mature at 9, but she seemed too mature to rebuke. :-)

Deborah is a very thoughtful sensitive child. A while back when I picked her up at school she said it had been a sad day. "Doug's dog Toby died. He left school early and won't be at school tomorrow." She came home and promptly made Doug a card. It said something like, "Dear Doug, I'm sorry about Toby. He was a good dog. He is waiting on the rainbow bridge for you in heaven. To be absent from the body is to be present with God." Theology aside, it was terribly sweet. She drew pictures of Doug and Toby and finished it off with lots of crosses. Then she took a box of Little Debbies and rode her bike to Doug's house for a bereavement visit.

Every Saturday when we volunteer at the nursing home (this is something we started in January at Deborah's suggestion) you'd be amazed at Deborah's acumen for dealing with seniors. She speaks clearly and loudly. She touches them easily. She serves them cookies with a bright smile and a "how are you today?" Her favorite part is walking with Nellie. Nellie cannot string a coherent sentence, but she loves to walk with Deborah. They walk the wing back and forth, holding hands.

Today is a special day. I've had a Deborah for 10 years and positively cannot imagine life without her. She is nothing short of a delightful joy, a tender strength, a purposeful blessing.

God, I am thankful that you created Deborah and allowed me to be her mother. Please keep Deborah safe and healthy and continue to draw her to you, to personal powerful relationship with you. Help her be all you created her to be. Be glorified in Deborah's life.

Deborah's French Narrative

Do you want to see a wittle Dutch girl speak French? This is Deborah doing a narrative in French. She kind of goes overboard explaining it in English. Feel free to jump to the French part. I only know one language so seeing Deborah speaking French is a thrill for me. I love her expressive-ness. Watch it long enough to see her emote. :-)

Join me in the thrill, will you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRDOHi0Ot_c

Deborah's Piano Recital

Tonight was Deborah's recital. Rachael rolled Deborah's hair and together they came up with a unique look, as you will soon see.

The second song Deborah plays is one she wrote. With some help from me, she named it Celtic Morning. Do you hear the Celtic flavour? I think it's beautiful.

Deborah is 9 years old and I think she's doing very well musically. As with last time, I taped her at home before the recital so I could get up close and personal. :-)

Watch Deborah on Youtube right here.

disgruntled mom

I'm sure you all well remember that I'm a basket case in my own appealing way. Which reminds me of the sitcom from the '80's called Designing Women. Once Julia went to bat for a demented woman -- I don't remember the details -- but in the end Julia got in someone's face in a polite genteel sort of way by declaring, "Here in the South, we are puh-roud of our crazy people." 

My family ganged up on me last night and I'm none too puh-roud of them for that. What they all need is a kick in the butt and a bit of experience living in the South and growing up with chores. Huh!, chores! What a lame word. I didn't have "chores" when I was a kid. I worked like a man starting at 4 years of age.

Last night I told the girls to make the sandwiches for lunches. You'd have thought I'd asked them to construct the Golden Gate Bridge. The (usually) fine husband and father of these darlings didn't even take up for me. I was none too happy. It wasn't one of our finer evenings.

It got worse. After they expressed their opinions about making sandwiches, the horror of horrors that that is, they tried to saddle me with guilt. "We never see you. You're always gone." They started naming all the commitments I've had this year, only one of which is still a weekly evening commitment. It's true I WAS over-committed but I quit every dang one of those commitments except Tuesday evening. No more Weight Watchers, no more dragon boating (I cried).

I'm sure as an astute discerner of spirits, you've figured out that I'm just a little peeved. And as I've done in the past, I'll share some of this little family's humor. It always blesses my socks off to tell funny things my fam has done. I'm blessed indeed with a (usually) good-natured, fun-loving family.

In The Cinderella Story, a girl flick that my girls really like, the evil stepmother in her nasal voice says to the teenage stepdaughter, "You're not very smart and you're not very pretty. I'm glad we had this talk." Well that line has become a regular in our house. It's one of those little things we say to make sure everyone maintains a healthy self-esteem. Hannah particularly likes to say it, probably because she knows she'll get gales of laughter from me because she does the imitation so well. I might ask, "Hannah does this blouse look ok?" to which she'll look up and down my long svelte body and reply in a most nasally voice, "Well, you're not very smart and you're not very pretty. I'm glad we had this talk."

Sounds warped, I know. But it makes us laugh. It makes me puh-roud.

Several weeks ago my poor Rachael got a short lived little flu. She's usually healthy as a healthy horse so when I heard her puking I ran to the bathroom to find her hugging the toilet. Forgetting to check my humor at the door, I said, "Oh Lord, I hope this isn't that swine flu that's killin' everybody." Even in a puking state, Rachael started laughing and vomit dribbled out her nose. I know, sounds un-motherly and warped. But we laughed and that makes me puh-roud.

Deborah, the social butterfly, lives in fear of missing out on something. None of my children have had as many play-dates and social gatherings as Deborah. And every time we pick her up from one of them she asks, "What did you all do while I was gone?" Sounds healthy enough, but what she really means is did I miss anything? Not one to let the opportunity pass to damage a child, I reply along these lines. "We had a party with ice cream and every candy you can imagine. Even pop, lots of pop. I hired a clown and he came with his donkey." As I'm saying my part, the rest of the family is adding theirs. Everyone belts out their input: We went skating. Kalyna called to see if you could sleep over, I told her no. We went for pizza. We laugh as we all try to outdo each other's good time.

Ok, I THINK my family is back in my good graces. At least till I ask them to lift their pretty little fingers to help me out.

Hmm, maybe I spoke too soon.

Deborah's poem

This morning I found this poem that Deborah wrote. My favorite part is at the end where it's dedicated to her family.

If I had a dream

If I had a dream full of riches

or I had a dream with underwater fishes

If I had a dream I'd make it come true,

but I'd rather be hear with you.

If I had a wish in a far away land

I'd throw it away cause right here is so grand.

If I had a wish to go to a place with a beautiful view,

I still wouldn't go because I love you!!

If I could go around the world alone

I wouldn't go because this is my home.

I love you.

I love you.

Dedicated to my family. By Deborah April 2009, 9 years old

 

Seniors' Home

One of the most beautiful parts of our week is going to the seniors' home on Saturdays. Deborah, Hannah, and I volunteer in the dementia/Alzheimer's area. It is a glorious experience. We look forward to it every week and are smiling when we leave. We read to, play games with, and talk to the residents.

This little lady has taken a liking to Deborah and they walk and walk and walk around the wing. She asks Deborah repeatedly if she's warm enough. Deborah's patience and tenderness is precious. This week this lady's son-in-law sought me out to tell me how proud of Deborah I should be for her compassion and tenderness. 

Hannah and this gentleman play with these blocks every week. She is his favorite and they have a grand time together.

I am very blessed by this excursion every week. We have been six times. If I'd known how much we'd love it, we'd have started this a long time ago.

a deborah update

Deborah participated in the Valentines' Day Hair MassaCURE to raise funds for cancer research. This picture is taken on the first day of the hair dye.

Here the dye is fading. Not much longer and I'll have my little blondie back. :-)

This week is Historica Fair at school. Deborah is a pioneer. Her report is on our city's founding father. Isn't she a fine looking pioneer?

Deborah's Recital

Perhaps you recall that one of my 2009 goals is to post regularly on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I hope you've noticed so far, so good.

Tuesday evening Deborah had a piano recital. I videoed her at the recital but I couldn't capture her face. I videoed her at home too and captured her sweet little face and hands. It's a sweet video of my little musician. She plays four songs. The last one is called Alien Abduction. She made it up herself. She's gifted, you know.

Please enjoy my little Dobber's music. And if you see fit, Deborah and I both would like to hear your praises.

Labels: deborah, video

Christmas Eve

The evening began with a service at church where Deborah sang.

Then home to supper in the family room. Christmas Eve is the only time of year we eat here.
A lovely little clan enjoying sausage, cheese and crackers.
Bear loves the sausage especially.
Next is stocking time. Panties are a stocking staple, especially if the panties have turtles on them. Hannah is 12.
Everyone loves the cracker crowns. Rachael is 13.
Daddy and 9-year-old Deborah.
Nice undies, eh?

After stockings, we watched The Nativity Story, a lovely movie.

Next, bed time calls.
This is Frank, Myrrh, and Merry.
Since the girls were wee, on Christmas Eve they've slept with these bears. This year was no different. They are growing up, but they still took their bears to bed.
Before the girls went to bed they each took their gifts to the tree. The evening began with no gifts under the tree.

Night night little ones. In the morning you'll see that Santa came.

Labels: christmas, deborah, gordon, Hannah, photos, rachael

Picture Roulette

I got an interesting challenge from Joan today. Go to your pictures, open the 5th folder and post the 5th picture in the folder. It's cool how for me that was a Christmas folder. This is 2005 when each girl got a hamster for Christmas. Have I mentioned we like hamsters around here?

Have I mentioned Hannah bought two guinea pigs a few months ago? When we moved to this house she decided to take them to the SPCA to give them to someone else. Turns out the SPCA wanted $60 to take Daisy and Flossy off Hannah's hands. Ugh, I don't think so. However we left the SPCA with a new hamster. We went to drop off two guinea pigs and left with two guinea pigs PLUS a hamster. We are suckers.

I'm about to randomly go to my picture files and continue Joan's picture roulette game. The last photo in the 12th folder.

And I didn't plan that the 12th folder was a Christmas folder. This is from last year's Christmas.

Labels: animals, christmas, photos

a note from Deborah

This was in my email inbox this morning:

Hi, mom you are the best mom in the world! Thank you for making sure I was o.k. when I had that nightmare! I hope Jesus comes before you die! I just wanted to say thank you for being sooooooooooooooooooooooo good to me LOVE DEBORAH I LOVE YOU!

She's a sweet Dear.

Labels: deborah

Merry Christmas

I obviously said something really funny here.
Rachael 13, Hannah 12, Deborah 9.
A wee girl Hannah, 12 years old.

Labels: christmas, deborah, Hannah, photos, rachael

Deborah's Baptism (Thanksgiving 38)

Our little Deborah got baptised Sunday. She was so excited to take this step. Her daddy baptized her, which I think made it even more special. She gave this "testimony" before her baptism: "I remember when I invited God into my heart and asked for forgiveness. It felt like he was in the room with me, it was a very good feeling. I remember before I invited God into my heart, I was afraid that he would come down to earth and see all my sins and rebuke me and yell at me for them. Now I am not afraid anymore."

Gordon asked, "And what do you want to do for the rest of your life?" and she answered, "I want to praise and worship God."

Thank You God for Deborah's faith and salvation. Thank you for drawing Deborah into your family.

Labels: deborah, photos, thanksgiving

dvd and debs

Last night we stopped at Walmart and Gordon and Hannah ran in while Rachael, Deborah and I sat in the van. A family came out and got in the car beside us. As they drove away we saw they had a dvd player and the kids were watching Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Deborah got excited and asked, "Mom would you like it if we had a dvd player in our van?"

"Well actually I think it's pretty sad to need a dvd player for the trip between Walmart and home," I righteously declared.

Deborah thought for a moment then said, "Yeah I guess. That's not nearly enough time to see the ending."

Labels: deborah

Thanksgiving 20

This is a little poem to me from my little Deborah. I'm thankful that my kids love toying with writing and poetry and such.

Babies
by Deborah

Babies babies
Little ladies
Cute as can be!

Soon they’ll turn to kids so happy
And sometimes you’ll have to be kind of snappy.

You’ll be so sad when they leave
I know that you will have to grieve.

When they come to your house
They’ll be wearing a size large blouse.

Seems like yesterday they were so small
And they’d have to stick with you in the mall.

Soon she’ll be gone with some kind of guy
As the days go by and by.

Soon she’ll have her own little babies
Just like little ladies.

Now didn't that make you smile??

Labels: deborah, thanksgiving